ajgrl57 (ajgrl57) wrote in crazymothers,

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Another Day...

Can I ever do anything right? Can I ever come home and not be ripped up upon? Can my mother ever stop and realize what pain she is causing me?

Tears and pain is all I feel as I sit here and type this entry. No matter what I do to try to improve teh way I look to help with my self esteem issues my mother must always tear down the bit I grow. People ask me why I'm so shy or why I'm not a very open person. Half the time I think I'm unatractive, I'm over weight, and no one likes me. My mother dills this in my head every day. I try so hard to help myself but the moment I do she takes it away from me. 

Why put someone through so much pain? She's a careless, selfish, no hearted bitch. No mother should ever talk to their kids the way she speaks to me. It's to a point now I can't handle it any more. I'm sick of harming myself for the rreasons of trying to hide the cuts on my arms. Sometimes I wonder if jail is worth it. Just end her life so everyone else can live in peace. Yet I won't because I have a heart, unlike her.

I'm 22 and I've been in and out of the hospital many times. Doctors tell me the cause is stress. The ponder why a 22 yr old female is under so much stress causing her to be ill all the time. It's her. She knows it and yet she pushes harder to make me worse. She wants me dead, I know this since she's said it many times before. When she sees my cuts she tells me I'm not cutting deep enough. She's evil.

I have a month left here, and the days cant go by fast enough. Just a month right??? Just one more month :(
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