?

Log in

Mother, Mother [entries|friends|calendar]
My Mom is Nuts

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Mother [30 Jul 2014|03:30pm]
bassguitar321
[ mood | depressed ]

My mom barely has any feeling and shes a bitch to me because im the weirdest one in the family. She says that im weird so much that it makes me want to rip her head off!! Were going out of our city on weekands and two days before that she says PACK. For me packing takes forever so she keeps on saying it over and over again!!! I have lots of stress because of her. I feel sad and alone everyday. I feel paranoid and frustrated with her because she does not understand me.

I am the type of girl that listenes to alot of metal. Guys like Korn, Manson, Metallica,Lamb of God, Black sabbath etc. She said that this is the devils music. She insults me and gets on to me evedyday.... its like a never ending cycle and my self esteem has always been low. Everytime I see her i feel like im about to hurl myself into a brick wall. As most people know... Having someone that doesnot understand you emotionally and mentally can hurt. Is like she does not even see me. I have issues like sleep paralysis and sometimes sleep walking and she said that its all in my head. A few nights ago basically called me crazy. Now i know im not crazy but im not 100% awseome either. Its just stress ontop of stress and I am getting tired. I can even get something like a bass guitar without her shooting my idea to the ground. I feel sad and depressed all the time . She kept me sheltered most of my life and she expects me to me perfect.

Im a freak on a leash at school. Most of the girls look at me funny and say mean stuff. The guys do things that i just cant talk about. I wear alot of baggy clothes, black clothes, heavy eyeliner and have black fingernails. This is just my style and she does not approve of it. Lately she has been a little mean everyday. She does not like how my future is looking and she is always nagging. No care for feelings. I want to get dreads soon and have earings like tapers and tunnels but she says thats for guys, i will look like the devil, etc.

All of these things on my back plus high school starting back in a few weeks is not a fun thought in my head. Its just stress

post comment

Another Day... [11 Aug 2007|06:55pm]

ajgrl57
[ mood | depressed ]

Can I ever do anything right? Can I ever come home and not be ripped up upon? Can my mother ever stop and realize what pain she is causing me?

Tears and pain is all I feel as I sit here and type this entry. No matter what I do to try to improve teh way I look to help with my self esteem issues my mother must always tear down the bit I grow. People ask me why I'm so shy or why I'm not a very open person. Half the time I think I'm unatractive, I'm over weight, and no one likes me. My mother dills this in my head every day. I try so hard to help myself but the moment I do she takes it away from me. 

Why put someone through so much pain? She's a careless, selfish, no hearted bitch. No mother should ever talk to their kids the way she speaks to me. It's to a point now I can't handle it any more. I'm sick of harming myself for the rreasons of trying to hide the cuts on my arms. Sometimes I wonder if jail is worth it. Just end her life so everyone else can live in peace. Yet I won't because I have a heart, unlike her.

I'm 22 and I've been in and out of the hospital many times. Doctors tell me the cause is stress. The ponder why a 22 yr old female is under so much stress causing her to be ill all the time. It's her. She knows it and yet she pushes harder to make me worse. She wants me dead, I know this since she's said it many times before. When she sees my cuts she tells me I'm not cutting deep enough. She's evil.

I have a month left here, and the days cant go by fast enough. Just a month right??? Just one more month :(

3 comments|post comment

Another Day [11 Aug 2007|06:54pm]

ajgrl57
[ mood | depressed ]

Can I ever do anything right? Can I ever come home and not be ripped up upon? Can my mother ever stop and realize what pain she is causing me?

Tears and pain is all I feel as I sit here and type this entry. No matter what I do to try to improve teh way I look to help with my self esteem issues my mother must always tear down the bit I grow. People ask me why I'm so shy or why I'm not a very open person. Half the time I think I'm unatractive, I'm over weight, and no one likes me. My mother dills this in my head every day. I try so hard to help myself but the moment I do she takes it away from me. 

Why put someone through so much pain? She's a careless, selfish, no hearted bitch. No mother should ever talk to their kids the way she speaks to me. It's to a point now I can't handle it any more. I'm sick of harming myself for the rreasons of trying to hide the cuts on my arms. Sometimes I wonder if jail is worth it. Just end her life so everyone else can live in peace. Yet I won't because I have a heart, unlike her.

I'm 22 and I've been in and out of the hospital many times. Doctors tell me the cause is stress. The ponder why a 22 yr old female is under so much stress causing her to be ill all the time. It's her. She knows it and yet she pushes harder to make me worse. She wants me dead, I know this since she's said it many times before. When she sees my cuts she tells me I'm not cutting deep enough. She's evil.

I have a month left here, and the days cant go by fast enough. Just a month right??? Just one more month :(

post comment

[06 Aug 2007|04:46pm]
numb_my_heart
so basically, INSANITY.

no, not even funny anymore.

Alright, my mother is crazy. yes, we knew that. hah, why else would I be here? She's had a tough life and wants to make others lives worse. she was sexually abused as a child, and now she has an alcoholic husband who beats her. that would be my father. and now, shes going through menopause.

now....a regularly crazy person going through menopause...yeah. just STAY AWAY.

I'm sick of having to tiptoe around her all the time. Yes, she's going through things, but who isn't? she's not the only one having a rough time, and I'm sick of her feeling like thats an excuse to treat others like crap. more than that, shes so upset, but all she does is sit on her ass and complain about it! she doesnt do a damn thing about it, and she knows it! so, no. I don't care anymore and you do NOT get any more sympathy from me if you sit there and bitch and whine and treat me like shit. Yes, I can relate. At least now yes I'm not happy with my life and maybe not doing everything right  but at least  I'm working on it and doing something about it!  she sits on her ass and whine, whine, whine. she wants a job..yet shes not willing to make the effort and change things around. she makes all kinds of excuses as to why she cant. she has 3 children, a 19 year old, a 17 year old (that would be me) and a 7 year old. he was a suprise. and shes old and tired and doesn't want to raise a kid. and then she yells at me about it. like makes me feel guilty for going out, having a life. Im sorry that she didn't go on birth control, but he isn't MY kid! he's HERS, and if she didn't want to raise another little kid, she should have thought of that.

anything....ANYTHING makes her snap. and she constantly blames me for it. she says im so horrible and she'd be pretty level if it weren't for me. I rarely ask her for anything, because if I ask her to to ANYTHINg she blow a gasket, and its like i ask her for sooooooo much.no. I don't. she treats everyone like shit and blames everyone else for her problems. and then acts like we should feel SORRY for her! and then my dad acts like shes so great and doesnt get appreciated or respected. well, hes got that right. I do NOT respect her. shes fucking crazy. and annoying as hell. like, i'd rather be with my dad. because at least i Know what to expect from him. shes just a lunatic. and i can't talk to her about anything. because it always has to compare back to her. its like, if i start to tell her i feel depressed, she has to be all AND YOU THINK I DIDN"T HAVE A BAD DAY?! YOURE  SO SELF ABSORBED! can we not talk about you for like 3 minutes? god damn. all she cares about is her! she doesnt see or care that shes not the only person on the planet going through something. im going through many, many things that no one knows about and does she care?  not a bit! and im SICK of it! I can't deal with it! shes all you're making me about to snap. about?!!? she snaps every 10 minutes! about dumbass things. jdfklajgldsjal;gsa;gdsag

just had to rant there. and i've been here forever, and never posted.
post comment

[04 Aug 2007|07:41pm]

ajgrl57
[ mood | numb ]

Please read my journal. More items in refrence to my mom :( I'm at my dead end road.

post comment

Too much to handle any more... [29 Jul 2007|06:13pm]

ajgrl57
[ mood | depressed ]

I am a 22 year old female. Ever since I can remember I have always been physically and mentally abused by my mother. When I am home my mother doesn't call me by my name, it's either bitch, whore, mother fucker, etc. Because of my mother I have low self esteem issues. Since I was little I was old that I was fat and ugly. No guy would want some whore like me. Most people don't understand why I believe what she says, but to be consistently told this for 15 years you can't help but believe it. 
My mother has had my two sisters and I go through horrible depression. Both of my sisters have been on anti depressants. I refuse to go on them. My older sister is a pathologic liar, my other sister was anorexic, and I cut myself. My mother gets glory to see us suffer. She breaks us down and smiles and gets happy about it. She wants nothing good for us. The moment something good comes our way... she destroys it. She takes money from us all the time and other things as well.
I personally can not handle it any more. I'm beyond tired of dealing with all the drama. I'm a good person and I refuse to be anything like her. I came here to avoid my temptations of cutting myself. Writing calms me down which gets rid of my urges.

1 comment|post comment

introduction! [02 Jan 2006|09:15pm]

totallysofast
[ mood | cold ]

Hi, I just joined. I'm 25 and living in Chicago.

Well, my mother is crazy. Long story short, I was born out of wedlock when she was 22. She wasn't too bad for the first few years except for the fact that she molested me. Then when I was 8 she married my step-father, Steve and started losing it. We began moving every nine months, they started pulling cons. There were several times when they literally woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to put my crap in bags because we're moving. Life in hotels, strange cities, shelters, all of that was normal to me. Religion was always in our life but not normal religion. My mother always had to put her own little twist on every thing we practiced. We started out United Methodist. Then she got into the occult and I remember them hosting sceances in the living room and speaking in tongues. I learned to cast runes and read tarot at the age of nine. Then, metaphysics were suddenly satanic! She gathered all of her things and burned them in a pile in the back yard, one fall day in Edmund, Oklahoma. After that we were Episcipalian, "Catholic," Unitarian, and then she made the jump to non-denominational churches. Those big warehouse churches, you know? Around this time things were really, really tense. I came out as queer when I was 14. That prompted her to find religion, and how. The last four years of my life at home were hell. After I left home (kicked out actually, the day after I graduated high school) they became Jews for Jesus.

Have I mentioned yet that my mother is an untreated schizophrenic and an alcoholic?

She started thinking she was a prophet, the voice of God. She also was obsessed with aliens and getting abducted. I'm 25, but sometimes I still have to sleep with the lights on because of the constant (while unrealistic) fears of something "getting me" in the dark.

When I was 19 they kidnapped me. They decided to move from Elkhorn, NE to Dove Creek, CO. I told them I'd drive the uhaul because my mom had just had another kid and my dad had to drive the car. They promised it'd only be a week and they'd have me back in Omaha (Elkhorn is a suburb of Omaha, Nebraska). We get there, I'm there a week and there's no talk of anybody taking me back to Nebraska. In fact, they think that maybe I should quit my job in Omaha and get a job in Dove Creek and stay. I say no to this of course and they promise to get me back the following week. I call my job and tell them this and promptly get fired. This goes on. As I realize that they have no intentions of taking me back, I try depserately to get a friend or someone to come get me. I had no money for a plane ticket and they weren't about to help me with that. Once they found out I was trying to get home they grounded me from the internet and phone. It all came to a head one day and I ran out of the house and was going to walk to town to use the phone. they didn't think i'd actually do it so they let me go. After 2 of the 5 miles were down, the Sherrif of Dove Creek saw me and knew something was up. I was afraid to tell him the whole story so i just said I was out for a walk. I used a payphone to call my biological father and arranged a day for me to freak out to avoid going to church with them and he'd come out to the house to get me. He drove from Iowa to get me. On the day he came, he came with the same sherrif that had given me a ride that day. He said he knew something was up. I was there for three months, in complete isolation from the outside world, basically confined to the house. I was so afraid of her that I did as I was told because, you know, black eyes suck.

Now she and my step father are in rural Oklahoma, in complete isolation. They took the kids out of school years ago but they don't homeschool. The kids just don't learn. And in Oklahoma, the laws on homeschooling don't require testing.

When I was 13 I developed a nasty eating disorder. At 5'5" I went down to 80 pounds. She refused to take me to the doctor. She just let me waste away. She said I had demons in me.

The final straw was when she took my dying grandfather to Oklahoma and took his money. She spend $20,000 of his dollars and has no records of what she bought. Then when he died, she had him secretly buried.

I don't talk to them anymore. They disowned me. I worry about the other kids though. They are 15, 11 and 5. Sweet as pie, those babes. I know because I raised them. Mom was too busy drinking and scamming people to raise her children, cook or clean. It was done by me.

I can't write anymore. There's so much more but this is making me really upset.

5 comments|post comment

scared, hopeless [21 Sep 2005|01:53am]

dreamerdark
I sleep days to avoid my mother, its that bad. I have a 3 yr. old and he has to have the same sleeping schedule as me but it's better for both of us this way. My mother tries to use this and other thing about me that are different as fodder for her campaign to convince the world I'm insane. I'm physically disabled with fibromyalgia and am working on getting disability so I can leave my mothers home-but she's undermining it. She calls my welfare case working, doctor and tells them I'm insane-then they won't listen to me. I never know the true extent of her activities either because she will exagerate them, then play thme down-and I have to guess if my doctors/etc. beleive her or whats been said. Unfortunately I don't havea car so my doctor was revealed to her when she had to pick a perscription. She tries to find out every doctor, freind, activity I'm involved with and FORCES contact with these people so she can convince them I'm nuts.

ALso she is activly trying to convince peopel I'm a bad mother and finding a way to take my son-although again she is a liar so I don't know how far this has gone-I only know what she's said to me. But she works in a hospital and for a charity and obsessively makes contacts with people so it wouldnt' surprise me if "I've talked to all these social workers I'm goin gto have you put away and take your son" were true. I have to force myself to go numb and ignor peopel she knows so that it doesn't hurt me too badly emotionally so I can keep my head up-but apparently that means i'm crazy-to be PC and unemotional.
She has stalked me in this house for hours insulting and threatoning me, provoks me with the most unimaginable threats and lies and has even gone so far as to continual threaton to take my son from me, etc. and once I'm really angry and scared-try and get me in front of a video camera she's hidden so she can convince people I'm nuts/abusive to her.


I'm so scared I'm trapped and now shes bringing her wierd boyfriend around (who beleives Im the one doing things to her). Trys to tell how to raise my son, comes into our rooms unnanounced, takes food off my plate while I'm eating, screams at me in a threatoning way and is often drunk.

I'm going to have to look into shelter options again-problem is she knows all the charity workers in town-people who run the shelters. The only other thing I could think of to be safer is to get a recorder and get a recording of her, but its easier said than done since a recorder only hold so much data and It would have to be hidden-also my recorder curiously quit working after I got here.

I seriously feel like dying, it would be better for me to die than to see my son in her hands or continue living in this hell.
11 comments|post comment

Intro [08 Oct 2004|11:59am]

ericalyric
[ mood | annoyed ]

HI!

I am SO glad I was able to join this community.

Basically, this is how it all started...

I got pregnant at 15, had my daughter at 16 and my mom went CRAZY!
Not because of my pregancy, she just became a psycho grandma and mom over night... ALL in our business constantly. My daughter is now 6 and I am 22. NOTHING has changed!

She drives me CRAZY!

post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]